Note:
This extract is posted true to text in the Ladies’ Book of Etiquette and
Manners.
There is no situation in which a lady is more
exposed than when she travels, and there is no position where a dignified,
lady-like deportment is more indispensable and more certain to command respect.
If you travel under the escort of a gentleman, give him as little trouble as
possible; at the same time, do not interfere with the arrangements he may make
for your comfort. It is best, when starting upon your journey, to hand your
escort a sufficient sum of money to cover all your expenses, retaining your
pocket book in case you should wish to use it. Have a strong pocket made in
your upper petticoat, and in that carry your money, only reserving in your
dress pocket a small sum for incidental expenses. In your traveling satchel
carry an oil skin bag, containing your sponge, tooth and nail brushes, and some
soap; have also a calico bag, with hair brush and comb, some pins, hair pins, a
small mirror, and some towels. In this satchel carry also some crackers, or
sandwiches, if you will be long enough upon the road to need a luncheon.
In your carpet bag, carry a large shawl, and if
you[35] will travel by
night, or stop where it will be inconvenient to open your trunks, carry your
night clothes, and what clean linen you may require, in the carpet bag. It is
best to have your name and address engraved upon the plate of your carpet bag,
and to sew a white card, with your name and the address to which you are
traveling, in clear, plain letters upon it. If you carry a novel or any other
reading, it is best to carry the book in your satchel, and not open the carpet
bag until you are ready for the night. If you are to pass the night in the
cars, carry a warm woolen or silk hood, that you may take off your bonnet at
night. No one can sleep comfortably in a bonnet. Carry also, in this case, a
large shawl to wrap round your feet.
One rule to be always observed in traveling is
punctuality. Rise early enough to have ample time for arranging everything
needful for the day's journey. If you sleep upon the boat, or at a hotel,
always give directions to the servant to waken you at an hour sufficiently
early to allow ample time for preparation. It is better to be all ready twenty
minutes too soon, than five minutes late, or even late enough to be annoyed and
heated by hurrying at the last moment.
A lady will always dress plainly when traveling.
A gay dress, or finery of any sort, when
in a boat, stage, or car, lays a woman
open to the most severe misconstruction. Wear always neutral tints, and have
the material made up plainly and substantially, but avoid carefully any article
of dress that is glaring or conspicuous. Above all, never wear jewelry, (unless
it be your watch,) or flowers; they are both in excessively bad taste. A quiet, unpretending
dress, and dignified demeanor, will insure for a lady respect, though she
travel alone from Maine to Florida.
If you are obliged to pass the night upon a
steamboat secure, if possible, a stateroom. You will find the luxury of being
alone, able to retire and rise without witnesses, fully compensates for the
extra charge. Before you retire, find out the position and number of the
stateroom occupied by your escort, in case you wish to find him during the
night. In times of terror, from accident or danger, such care will be found
invaluable.
You may not be able to obtain a stateroom upon
all occasions when traveling, and must then sleep in the ladies' cabin. It is
best, in this case, to take off the dress only, merely loosening the stays and
skirts, and, unless you are sick, you may sit up to read until quite a late
hour. Never allow your escort to accompany you into the cabin. The saloon is
open always to both ladies and gentlemen, and the cabin is for ladies alone.
Many ladies are sufficiently ill-bred to ask a husband or brother into the
cabin, and keep him there talking for an hour or two, totally overlooking the
fact that by so doing she may be keeping others, suffering, perhaps, with
sickness, from removing their dresses to lie down. Such conduct is not only
excessively ill-bred, but intensely selfish.
There is scarcely any situation in which a lady
can be placed, more admirably adapted to test her good breeding, than in the
sleeping cabin of a steam-boat. If you are so unfortunate as to suffer from
sea-sickness, your chances for usefulness are limited, and patient suffering
your only resource. In this case, never leave home without a straw-covered bottle of brandy,
and another of camphor, in your carpet-bag. If you are not sick, be very
careful not to keep the chambermaid from those who are suffering; should you
require her services, dismiss her as soon as possible. As acquaintances, formed
during a journey, are not recognized afterwards, unless mutually agreeable, do
not refuse either a pleasant word or any little offer of service from your
companions; and, on the other hand, be ready to aid them, if in your power. In
every case, selfishness is the root of all ill-breeding, and it is never more
conspicuously displayed than in traveling. A courteous manner, and graceful
offer of service are valued highly when offered, and the giver loses nothing by
her civility.
When in the car if you find the exertion of
talking painful, say so frankly; your escort cannot be offended. Do not
continually pester either your companion or the conductor with questions, such
as "Where are we now?" "When shall we arrive?" If you are
wearied, this impatience will only make the journey still more tedious. Try to
occupy yourself with looking at the country through which you are passing, or
with a book.
If you are traveling without any escort, speak
to the conductor before you start, requesting him to attend to you whilst in
the car or boat under his control. Sit quietly in the cars when they reach the
depot until the first bustle is over, and then engage a porter to procure for
you a hack, and get your baggage. If upon a boat, let one of the servants
perform this office, being careful to fee him for it. Make an engagement with
the hackman, to take you only in his hack, and enquire his charge before starting. In this way you
avoid unpleasant company during your drive, and overcharge at the end of it.
If you expect a friend to meet you at the end of
your journey, sit near the door of the steam-boat saloon, or in the ladies'
room at the car depot, that he may find you easily.
There are many little civilities which a true
gentleman will offer to a lady traveling alone, which she may accept, even from
an entire stranger, with perfect propriety; but, while careful to thank him
courteously, whether you accept or decline his attentions, avoid any advance
towards acquaintanceship. If he sits near you and seems disposed to be
impertinent, or obtrusive in his attentions or conversation, lower your veil
and turn from him, either looking from the window or reading. A dignified,
modest reserve is the surest way to repel impertinence. If you find yourself, during
your journey, in any awkward or embarrassing situation, you may, without
impropriety, request the assistance of a gentleman, even a stranger, and he
will, probably, perform the service requested, receive your thanks, and then
relieve you of his presence. Never, upon any account, or under any provocation,
return rudeness by rudeness. Nothing will rebuke incivility in another so
surely as perfect courtesy in your own manner. Many will be shamed into
apology, who would annoy you for hours, if you encouraged them by acts of
rudeness on your own part.
In traveling alone, choose, if possible, a seat
next to another lady, or near an elderly gentleman. If your neighbor seems
disposed to shorten the time by conversing, do not be too hasty in checking him. Such
acquaintances end with the journey, and a lady can always so deport herself
that she may beguile the time pleasantly, without, in the least, compromising
her dignity.
Any slight attention, or an apology made for
crushing or incommoding you, is best acknowledged by a courteous bow, in
silence.
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