VISITING.
ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS
Another interesting post if you are looking for the requirement to host visitors.
Another interesting post if you are looking for the requirement to host visitors.
True to
word from The Ladies' Book Of Etiquette, And Manual Of Politeness by FLORENCE
HARTLEY
When you
write to invite a friend to visit you, name a time when it will be convenient
and agreeable for you to receive her, and if she accepts your invitation, so
arrange your duties and engagements that they will not interfere with your
devoting the principal part of your time to the entertainment of your guest. If
you have certain duties which must be performed daily, say so frankly when she
first arrives, and see that during the time you are so occupied she has work,
reading, music, or some other employment, to pass the time away pleasantly.
Have a room
prepared especially for her use, and let her occupy it alone. Many persons have
a dislike to any one sleeping with them, and will be kept awake by a companion
in the room or bed. Above all, do not put a child to sleep in the chamber with
your guest.
The day
before your friend arrives, have her room swept, dusted, and aired; put clean,
fresh linen upon the bed, see that the curtains are in good order, the locks in
perfect repair, and the closet or wardrobe and bureau empty for her clothes.
Have upon the bureau a pin cushion well filled, hair pins, brush and comb, and
two mirrors, one large, and one small for the hand, as she may wish to smooth
her hair, without unpacking her own toilet articles. Upon the washstand, have
two pitchers full of water, a cup, tumbler, soap-dish and soap, basin,
brush-dish, and a sponge, wash rag, and plenty of clean towels.
Have both a
feather bed and a mattress upon the bedstead, that she may place whichever she
prefers uppermost. Two sheets, a blanket, quilt, and counterpane, should be on
the bed, and there should be two extra blankets in the room, should she require
more covering in the night.
On the
mantel piece, place a few books that she may read, if she wishes, before sleeping.
Have upon the mantel piece a box of matches, and if the room is not lighted by
gas, have also a supply of candles in a box, and a candlestick.
If the room
is not heated by a furnace, be careful that the fire is made every morning
before she rises, and keep a good supply of fuel in the room.
Besides the
larger chairs, have a low one, to use while changing the shoes or washing the
feet.
Upon the
table, place a full supply of writing materials, as your guest may wish to send
word of her safe arrival before unpacking her own writing-desk. Put two or
three postage stamps upon this table.
Be sure that
bells, locks, hinges, and windows, are all in perfect order.
Before your
guest arrives, go to her room. If it is in winter, have a good fire, hot water on
the washstand, and see that the windows are tightly closed, and the room
cheerful with sunshine, or plenty of candle or gas light. If in summer, draw
the curtains, bow the shutters, open the windows, and have a fan upon the
table. It is well to have a bath ready, should your guest desire that
refreshment after the dust and heat of traveling.
When the
time arrives at which you may expect your guest, send a carriage to the station
to meet her, and, if possible, go yourself, or send some member of the family
to welcome her there. After her baggage is on the carriage, drive immediately
to the house, and be certain all is ready there for her comfort.
As soon as
she is at your house, have her trunks carried immediately to her own room, and
lead her there yourself. Then, after warmly assuring her how welcome she is,
leave her alone to change her dress, bathe, or lie down if she wishes. If her
journey has been a long one, and it is not the usual hour for your next meal,
have a substantial repast ready for her about half an hour after her arrival,
with tea or coffee.
If she
arrives late at night, after she has removed her bonnet and bathed her face,
invite her to partake of a substantial supper, and then pity her weariness and
lead the way to her room. She may politely assert that she can still sit up and
talk, but be careful you do not keep her up too long; and do not waken her in
the morning. After the first day, she will, of course, desire to breakfast at
your usual hour, but if she has had a long, fatiguing journey, she will be glad
to sleep late the first day. Be careful that she has a hot breakfast ready when
she does rise, and take a seat at the table to wait upon her.
After the
chambermaid has arranged the guest-chamber in the morning, go in yourself and see
that all is in order, and comfortable, and that there is plenty of fresh water
and towels, the bed properly made, and the room dusted. Then do not go in again
through the day, unless invited. If you are constantly running in, to put a
chair back, open or shut the windows, or arrange the furniture, you will
entirely destroy the pleasantest part of your guest's visit, by reminding her
that she is not at home, and must not take liberties, even in her own room. It
looks, too, as if you were afraid to trust her, and thought she would injure
the furniture.
If you have
children, forbid them to enter the room your friend occupies, unless she
invites them to do so, or they are sent there with a message.
If your
household duties will occupy your time for some hours in the morning, introduce
your guest to the piano, book-case, or picture-folio, and place all at her
service. When your duties are finished, either join her in her own room, or
invite her to sit with you, and work, chatting, meanwhile, together. If you keep
your own carriage, place it at her disposal as soon as she arrives.
If she is a
stranger in the city, accompany her to the points of interest she may wish to
visit, and also offer to show her where to find the best goods, should she wish
to do any shopping.
Enquire of
your visitor if there is any particular habit she may wish to indulge in, such
as rising late,
retiring early, lying down in the daytime, or any other habit that your family do not usually follow. If there is, arrange it so that she may enjoy her peculiarity in comfort. If there is any dish which is distasteful to her, avoid placing it upon the table during her visit, and if she mentions, in conversation, any favorite dish, have it frequently placed before her.
retiring early, lying down in the daytime, or any other habit that your family do not usually follow. If there is, arrange it so that she may enjoy her peculiarity in comfort. If there is any dish which is distasteful to her, avoid placing it upon the table during her visit, and if she mentions, in conversation, any favorite dish, have it frequently placed before her.
If she is
accustomed to eat just before retiring, and your family do not take supper, see
that something is sent to her room every night.
If your
friend has intimate friends in the same city, beside yourself, it is an act of
kindly courtesy to invite them to dinner, tea, or to pass a day, and when calls
are made, and you see that it would be pleasant, invite the caller to remain to
dinner or tea.
Never accept
any invitation, either to a party, ball, or public entertainment, that does not
include your guest. In answering the invitation give that as your reason for
declining, when another note will be sent enclosing an invitation for her. If
the invitation is from an intimate friend, say, in answering it, that your
guest is with you, and that she will accompany you.
It is a
mistaken idea to suppose that hospitality and courtesy require constant
attention to a guest. There are times when she may prefer to be alone, either
to write letters, to read, or practice. Some ladies follow a guest from one
room to another, never leaving them alone for a single instant, when they would
enjoy an hour or two in the library or at the piano, but do not like to say so.
The best
rule is to make your guest feel that she is heartily welcome, and perfectly at
home.
When she is
ready to leave you, see that her trunks are strapped in time by the servants,
have a carriage ready to take her to the station, have the breakfast or dinner
at an hour that will suit her, prepare a luncheon for her to carry, and let
some gentleman in the family escort her to the wharf, check her trunks, and
procure her tickets.
If your
guest is in mourning, decline any invitations to parties or places of amusement
whilst she is with you. Show her by such little attentions that you sympathize
in her recent affliction, and that the pleasure of her society, and the love
you bear her, make such sacrifices of gayety trifling, compared with the sweet
duty of comforting her.
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